As we travel through the Spiral of Discovery we are now at Childhood Messages. There are different terms in the Enneagram world for this - wounded child, kid-life crisis, unconscious childhood message and probably more. When I am doing a typing session with people sometimes this is the differentiator. Other times it can lead to more confusion. I can tell you this, if you read these below and say “OMG, that was my message growing up” then you need to listen to that. It may be the key to nailing your type or not.
Also, an important note about these messages. Remember, we were children. We interpreted things. We had our childhood perspective. Most of our parents were doing the best they could with what they had. No one is perfect and the Childhood Message isn’t a time to point fingers. It just is. So give yourself some grace (and your parents some too) and let’s get to this.
These messages are the thoughts we internalize during childhood and carry with us into adulthood. They shape our behavior, beliefs, and self-perception. They are basis for much of the Enneagram work we do and lead to our shape our passions (shadows), fixations, fears, desires, virtues, longings and ultimately our True Selves. Here they are:
Type 1 (The Perfectionist):
Childhood Message: I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I am a good boy or girl.
Underlying Childhood message: It is not ok to make mistakes.
Type 2 (The Helper):
Childhood message: I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I help and serve others
Underlying Childhood message: It's not ok to have your own needs.
Type 3 (The Achiever):
Childhood message: I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I impress others by achieving and accomplishing
Underlying Childhood message: It's not ok to have my own feelings and identity.
Type 4 (The Individualist):
Childhood message: I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I become a unique person who stands out from the rest.
Underlying Childhood message: It's not ok to be too functional or too happy.
Type 5 (The Investigator):
Childhood message: I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I am intelligent and intellectually prepared.
Underlying Childhood message: It is not ok to be too comfortable in the world.
Type 6 (The Loyalist):
Childhood message: I’ll receive the love, attention, and affirmation I long for when I look to others to guide and support me.
Underlying Childhood message: It’s not ok to trust myself.
Type 7 (The Enthusiast):
Childhood message: I will receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for when I find and bring happiness to myself and those around me.
Underlying Childhood message: It is not ok to depend on anyone or anything.
Type 8 (The Challenger):
Childhood message: I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for when I demand it or learn to provide it for myself.
Underlying Childhood message: it is not ok to be vulnerable or trust anyone
Type 9 (The Peacemaker):
Childhood message: I’ll receive the love, attention, and affirmation I long for when I keep quiet and go with the flow.
Underlying Childhood message: It is not ok to assert myself
Embracing our Childhood Message helps us understand our motivations, fears, desires, longing, virtue and True Self. It is the very beginning of the deeper personal growth work the Enneagram provides. Accepting this gives space for grace, acceptance and the fruition of our gifts into the world which is the whole point of the Enneagram - coming home to ourselves and our true gifts to share with others.