It’s true. We show up as two year olds. Every relationship we show up in we are showing our two-year-old self UNLESS you are doing the work, the inner work. Our go-to patterns, or habits, or inner unconscious mechanisms all show up as very little children when we show up unconsciously. And so does our Inner Critic.
I didn’t think I had an Inner Critic. I know, sounds pretty full of myself. I’ve always considered myself fairly confident. But this mean little alter-ego, or maybe I should say alter-psyche, shows up quietly, covertly and unconsciously and doesn’t have much to do with being fairly confident. Or even super confident. For me, the Inner Critic sounds like this, “Are you sure you know enough to show up to this session?” Other Inner critics look like this:
"You're not good enough. You should be doing better. There’s always a right way—and you’re not doing it.”
"You are only worthy if others need you. Don’t have needs. Don’t be a burden. Earn love through giving.”
"You are what you do. If you fail or slow down, you’re nothing. Keep performing, or you’ll be worthless.”
"Something is missing in you. You’re too much—and not enough. No one will ever truly understand you.”
"You can’t trust yourself or others. Stay alert. If you let your guard down, everything will fall apart.”
"Don’t stop or you’ll feel pain. Stay excited. Boredom and emptiness are dangerous—avoid them at all costs.”
"Don’t be weak. Don’t trust others. If you’re not strong, you’ll be betrayed or controlled.”
"Your presence doesn’t matter. Don’t make waves. Keep the peace or you’ll lose connection.”
Do you see what I see? Or should I say what I didn’t see? Again, this messaging is an undercurrent. An undercurrent to how you show up in the world or for some of us, how we don’t show up in the world (I’m talking to you Introverts). An unconscious super mean friend that lives inside of us, tormenting us without us even being aware. Because when we were little kids, we needed a coping mechanism. Sometimes several. And this messaging became our crutch and I might add a lie we told ourselves to explain away our sad or hurtful feelings we might have. My Inner Critic has stifled my growth potential, my business practice growth potential. And if I’m being super honest, my emotional growth potential. Can anyone say “Two year old”? Yes, admittedly, showing up like a two year old, in my closest relationships.
When you show up like a two year old, what are you telling yourself? What is the mean little Inner Critic saying to you? Once you can recognize this, the real work begins with a daily practice in Presence to be kind to yourself as you unravel this lie and how it has impacted you. Right up until this very moment. Be kind to yourself. And to others. I’m sure we can all come up with some adults-behaving-like-children. Don’t be mad or disappointed. They are just asleep to their unconscious behaviors. It isn’t our job to fix this. But it is our job to do OUR work and the Inner Critic is a great place to start.